Recklessness of Despair

No matter how hard you try, you can't always be prepared for what comes next, and as you get older you learn it is easiest to just bite your tongue and get through it. But what happens when you can't see past the current trial? What happens when all that is left is your desperation for something more? Is it possible that there is something else out there that is better than where we are now?

These thoughts always linger in the back of a depressed persons' mind. They never feel they are good enough and no matter how good things appear, they always feel wrong somehow. I've spent more time than I care to admit entertaining thoughts like these. I never know how I keep ending up there. Everything could be perfect, I could have everything I always wanted but I am never able to just live in the moment. I always fear bad things are just around the corner.

Its sad that many people aren't this self-aware. I know that at the end of the day everything will be alright. I know myself enough to know whatever happens, I will make it through this. I know that my thoughts at that moment are not my own. I search for things to give me comfort. I search for something to get me out of my own mind for a minute. Usually, I am able to feel better on my own.

The reason I am thinking about this today, is because I saw something on the news recently. Another celebrity has committed suicide. Its true the entertainment world will never be the same, but to think, he had a home, a family, friends, people who loved and looked up to him. But because of his actions, they will never be able to hold him and tell him they love him. They will never see who he could grow to be. And he will never be a day older than he was when he ended it. He made a permanent decision based on a temporary situation. I can't pretend to know what was in his heart or mind. But I truly wish he would have waited to see what was around the corner for him.

I can't promise things will get better as quickly as they fell apart, but they do have to get better. You have to allow yourself to adjust to the current reality and do whatever you have to and move forward. Think of it this way, if you throw a ball in the air, it has to come back down at some point. It may not land where you thought, or move as quickly as you thought, but it will come back down. You just have to be patient and wait it out. I promise one day you'll look back on it and realize how far you've come. You'll see that you are stronger than you ever thought possible.

I love you all. If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here.

Ex Animo, SimplyPiscesLogic

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