Love through the ages

I have been working on a few projects to share with you, but since they're not completed and I haven't wrote in a while, I decided I would share something I wrote 5/7/2012. I was so heartbroken at the time I wrote this. I was trying to love someone new but every conversation, every "I love you," made me remember the first time I experience love. That's the funny thing about love, you never forget it but it doesn't stay the same either. 

Looking back at my first love, I remember how different the world seemed. I also remember how dark it felt when he was gone. I thought I could never love another person. I thought I wasn't strong enough to endure such pain again...but I was wrong. My last love really did some damage (far more damage than the first). Here I am, six months later and I am slowly rebuilding my life. Strange how life turns out, isn't it?

I apologize in advance for my terrible grammar.

Ex Animo,

SimplyPiscesLogic

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Can it be possible? Can I really spend the rest of my life being completely devastated that your gone? Yeah I can still see you. Yeah for a second I can still hold you in my arms… but we're not the same people we used to be, and that’s what I miss the most.

You were supposed to be mine. You were supposed to love me past the ends of time. I know I put a lot of pressure on you. I know I asked a lot from you; I hate to say this, but I know I wouldn’t have changed a thing if I could've done it over… well maybe one thing… but isn’t that how it goes, you make the smallest of all mistakes and it’s the one you spent your whole life regretting.

I know I can’t keep living in a shell because I miss you. I know one day I’ll have to move on, not only in body but in mind… but right now my mind is still stuck on you. You were my first love, such a pure and true love. I never thought it was going to end, But I always knew it wouldn’t last forever. Maybe that was the problem... I never gave it the chance to last forever.

The thought of a forever has always scared me. When I was a kid, in north Carolina, I dreamed of what afterlife would be like, and then one day a dark and scary thought entered my mind… what if forever didn’t exist? what if when we die, we just die. We go to a world so dark, so empty… and we don’t even remember who we were, or what we did in our lives. What if there is no afterlife, and all our lives just meant nothing? I tried for years to convince myself otherwise. That all my fears wasn’t true. But I never seen that all that time I spent thinking of death was keeping me from living… and that’s just what I’m doing now… I’m so worried about dying alone, of dying without loving you, that I’m really just keeping myself from living and loving right now.